Oct 21 2014
Todays show is about Power and Wisdom and how the balance of these two energies are so important in growing your business and you becoming the real visionary leader you are meant to be.
We’ll look at how these energies shift and change through women’s cycles. Both power and wisdom mean something different to a 30 year entrepreneur than they do to a 65 year old.
The show ends with some very poignant questions that will get you thinking more deeply about where you are now and where you want to be.
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Welcome to the next Episode of Business the Wise Woman Way by Kaya Singer, your host.
Today’s show is about Power and Wisdom
A great topic and so important for all you women entrepreneurs regardless of what stage you are in or how much you might be struggling.
I’ve talked a lot about the importance of being authentic- and in this episode all women will benefit as its about having the courage to be yourself and how that will influence your marketing and your branding but most importantly your ability stand in a place no one else can stand.
Im often asked about my story especially from people who noticed that my branding changed in the last year or two.
Early on in my business I didn’t get what I’m going to be sharing with you today. I tried to be someone I wasn’t and as a result I had what I call, a beige message.
I didn’t stand out. I had to really dig deep inside and figure out what I was hiding or what I was hiding from. Not fun.
I guess I thought I had to look like what I thought a business woman looked like and it so wasn’t me! I’m a mother earth goddess type, artsy, and free spirited. I thought no one would be attracted to that.
And more recently I had to really look in the mirror and accept that my hair is no longer long and dark. It is silver now and for a long time that meant- old. Ugh. If I couldn’t accept this about myself, why would anyone else? And how do you think this might have affected my marketing and really my whole business?
In an effort to step into being more fully who I have become in the last few years, I searched for a word, the word to describe this new life stage where I’ve landed and then be able to own this as being a powerful time of life.
You might wonder why I’m doing this. Why not just be it and let go of describing it. I have to do it! Not just for myself, but for all women of all ages. I’ve stood up and supported women to be empowered and successful for over forty years. It’s a part of my mission!
But its also for me and accepting myself as who I am not and realizing that this is actually what makes me attractive. I didn’t get it at first but keep listening and I will be explaining why.
You might be thinking, why just women? Why not men? I love men, but they have very different issues!
For us women, we have lived with our fertility cycles for our whole adult life. That impacted my business decisions from a being young and saucy chick, to being a beautiful, but over-worked mother, to going through menopause and feeling like quitting, to ending up in the wise woman time of life and realizing I’ve arrived!
Through all these stages, my path was one of an entrepreneur, and the way I ran my businesses were affected by who I was! Why? Because I never had the kind of business where people didn’t know me. People did business with me because it was me.
I didn’t hide out in a back room while my employees ran the show. People come to me for the help I could give them. I know its the same for all of you. Its about you; your values, the way you show up and your culture. Plus my energy and focus was affected too. Trying to run a business while raising a toddler is way different than when I was 26 and no children.
Another thing- As women, we learn early on that we are supposed to look and be beautiful and sexy! Smart and successful are good, but it helps to be hot as well! Sarah Palin showed us that. Hilary was criticized for looking too…powerful. What can I say!
I knew all this at age 13! I looked at 60 year old women and saw them as “old” which wasn’t a positive adjective. They were lovely grandmas but doing something meaningful in the world? No. Those models didn’t exist for me. Zero.
Our society still enshrines youth, and the beauty that comes with it, especially in regards to women. There is a bias toward youth in general, thinking that you will be less innovative, less cutting edge as you age.
This is exactly where I’m challenging these deep seated attitudes! Here is a bit of my own story to illustrate my point.
When I was in my 20’s I decided I would be different when I was 60. I would still be working at a career I loved and making a difference. I wouldn’t be “old!” I thought old was a state of mind. In truth, I refused to see myself there. In my youthfulness, I had a way of not seeing what I didn’t want to become.
I remember hearing Barbara Marx Hubbard ( an amazing women) speak about 25 years ago. She must have been about 60 then. She said, “I have more energy now then I have ever had, at a time when the world tells me I am supposed to be slowing down!” I smiled and wanted to be just like her!
However, when I hit 50 I was grossly unprepared for suddenly being invisible, to not just men, but also women! Not being fertile anymore affects way more than one’s ability to have children. I was in grief and attached to my young, sexy body and then I questioned my ability to offer anything else that would be meaningful again in this lifetime.
In a way I bought in to the very same attitudes I was criticizing. I had no idea who I was anymore.
Yesterday, I looked up the word “Crone” in the thesaurus and was shocked by the list of words I saw on the page: witch, shrew. bitch, beast, old woman, battle-axe, biddy, fury, nag, hagfish, offensive old bag, slut, sorceress…
I thought a Crone was a female elder who held great wisdom and inner sight. How did those definitions get changed and how does that contribute to disempowering women when they are actually in the height of their power? Yes- the reason the term Wise Woman is often attributed to elder women is because of all the accumulated life experience and the insight that emerges from those years.
I was recently at a gathering of 60+ women. I looked around our circle and I could feel the deep wisdom each person carried.
Here is the truth. Yes, the 50s can be a bit hard as you go through a deep metamorphosis. But this is all about opening a conduit to POWER. It’s about preparing your body and spirit to do it’s real work in your 60s and beyond. Not only did that power emerge for me but also an innate wisdom, inner sight and channel that I didn’t have in this way before.
I was always intuitive, but now it’s been super-magnified. As a result, I can help people in ways of much deeper wisdom. I have had to wake-up to that gift and own it.
It’s no longer about just being sexy, and that can be hard as we are trained to use that kind of energy in our marketing. So are you seeing why I needed to say exactly who I am.
So, here is my challenge to you.
Regardless of what number age you are, you will eventually become 60, 70, and 80, so it’s about beginning right now, wherever you are, whether you are 30 or 40- to accept your authentic self and stand tall in it.
I am a champion for all women, regardless of your age. Develop the habit of not hiding your real truth and instead look for what it is that makes you truly unique.
What do you offer in your business that only you can give? It means really searching deep in your psyche to unearth this truth about yourself.
Whether you’re a coach, healer, designer, or educator, it’s not all about the skills of your profession and your training in whatever field you are in. It’s also about you- about who you are and what you bring that is your expression, and no one else’s.
This was hard for me to get my head around because I was still thinking I needed to look smart and I tried to copy what other successful people were doing.
The problem with that is those people were being authentically themselves (at least some were). They were standing in their own expression. I couldn’t be them even if if I wanted to.
If you are a younger woman in business, you have an advantage of having not as much life experience yet! You have that freshness and cutting edge that is captivating.
This means your trunk isn’t as cluttered with stuff! You are still developing who you really are so you have the gift of being able to experiment as you stand in your power. Your biggest challenge is to get past self-doubt, which seems to be the strongest at your stage. That self-doubt is like water on the fire of Power.
The older we get the less self-doubt we have. That self-doubt can eat up your power in moments.
I began my fist business when I was 26 and I felt I was invincible and could do anything. I made pottery and lugged around heavy crates of stoneware, and I knew I had my whole life ahead of me. I ended up quitting that business when I hurt my back. Who knew!
Before I turned 60 I had started three businesses and the learning from each one morphed into the next one. So- nothing is ever lost. We just keep getting clearer about our life purpose.
I talk to many women who are searching for that allusive life purpose and are in agony because they don’t know what it is. I tell people- just be yourself and follow what feels right now. It will eventually turn into the next thing. Its like being in a canoe and going down a windy river. You can’t see whats past the next turn and you need to be in the moment 100% or the boat will capsize!
So many women begin a new business during their wise woman years. Their business is based on their real purpose, passion, and life contribution and this includes all the wisdom from the past 40 years and the amazing insight and power that only comes later.
I had to realize I had this wisdom and once I did that I could see the thread of how everything I had done was making me who I am right now. It could be your time to create a legacy.
Inner beauty becomes the new benchmark and this requires no make-up to cover up wrinkles! It’s all about what’s on the inside. I love supporting all women to really go for it and use their power for fueling their entrepreneurial success!
You are actually tapped into to an energy source that’s bigger than you an imagine, however you need to choose to turn on the switch!
What about the outer beauty once you get older? Of course at age 67 I still have outer beauty and if you are a 30 year old woman you also have wisdom. We both have both! There is an overlap. But just like I no longer have the sexy, hot look of a 30 year old. Most 30 year olds lack the wisdom and power of a woman who has tapped into that power source at age 60.
I challenge you to look at your own attitudes about yourself and your power and wisdom. How much of it is affected by your age?
You don’t have to wait until you are 60 to own this power and wisdom.
You can begin the process now by embracing yourself, whoever you are and whatever age you are, by allowing your wisdom to come through in whatever form it is. It’s about stepping fully into life and not hiding!
If you have own your own business, what better opportunity to express this with your total being.
In what ways are you holding yourself back from stepping in more fully?
In what ways do you hide yourself?
How are you holding on to something you need to let go of?
How do these things affect your ability to stand taller as a leader of your business?