As I was riding my bike to my favorite TeaShop this morning I had an epiphany of sorts. I was thinking about my Wiser and Wilder Retreat that’s happening in October. I thought about the wonderful women who have joined and the excitement I’m having in holding the space for transformation, deep sharing and for each women to receive whatever is for her highest good.
I know it will happen and it always does. There have also been a few women I’ve talked to who really wanted to come and be with us and yet were stopped by the price and based on their own situation felt that however much they wanted it, they couldn’t afford it. That phrase is so charged with energy. It takes me right back to my own story.
If you read my book, “Wiser and Wilder“, you might remember Chapter 5 on Money Wisdom, where I transparently shared about my own money issues and challenges. It was so hard to expose my story but it was also part of my own process of pulling the last weeds out of my prosperity garden.
I was stuck at a certain income level in my business for quite a few years. No matter how much I worked I couldn’t seem to get past about $65,000 a year, and although on some level my business was working, that income was way too low for the lifestyle I needed to sustain and the long hours I was working. Mind you, this was gross income so my take home was much less.
I knew I needed help but felt I couldn’t pay the high prices that those really good coaches were charging. I felt I couldn’t afford to go to conferences, pay plane fare, hotels, etc. so I stayed in that struggle place.
I remember when the ice began to crack and I began to see that my issue had nothing to do with my income or expenses. It only had to do with my mind-set. I didn’t identify as someone who was prosperous and I didn’t trust that if I borrowed money to pay for the kind of help I needed, that I would be able to pay it back. The real issue was my self-worth. I had the self-worth of a $65,000 girl who was working 24/7.
I remember Ram Dass sharing in one of his books about awareness and insight and how once you “see” something you can never again not see it. So once I really got it that the issue was my self-worth, I saw it everywhere and I couldn’t not face it.
I began borrowing money to get quality coaching help and tiptoed out of the mindset I had bought into for my whole life; someone who was financially disabled, not that smart and not good enough. I remember swearing and crying as though this would help. In some way it did help me to let out the emotions but I had to begin being a grown-up, prosperous business owner and believe in myself and my ability to double my income and more, if I chose to.
Some years later when I attended Andrea Lee’s Wealthy Thought Leader event, I had shifted enough to be there. Before that I wouldn’t have identified as a wealthy person and I wouldn’t have belonged. I spent over $1,000 on that trip (no plane ticket because I drove) and still worried that my husband would think it was extravagant and be upset because I put it on my credit card. But actually he believed in me more than I believed in myself.
I loved being there of course, and when she presented the ways we could work with her I wanted the top diamond program at $30,000 but there was no way I had the self-esteem to do it. Instead I chose the lowest price program and then in the end over the next few years, I ended up spending way more than I had planned.
I remembered all this while riding my bike to the TeaHouse today. I have shifted so much since those days and I no longer make a decisions just on the price or my self worth. If there is something I know will help me and it feels aligned in my soul I will figure out how to do it. Writing and publishing my book dissolved the last shreds of my fear around money and the I can’t afford it attitude. The publishing costs were much higher than I thought I could spend and yet I knew I had to do it.
Now I can see so clearly that whatever your self-worth is, your mindset goes with it, and will determine what you do, how you make decisions and the risks you will take.
So back to my Wiser and Wilder Retreat. I can see that the women who have registered will be the perfect group, and yet I wish I could speak to the souls of those women who want to come and are still struggling the way I was. If this is you, I wish I had a magic wand to help you move through it faster and be able to join us, because I know you might arrive to the retreat feeling your own story of self-doubt or fears, but you will leave with so much more trust of who you are and what you are meant to do in the world.
Being Wiser and Wilder means:
• Facing yourself and all the crap that holds you back from doing your real work in the world.
• Taking risks in your own behalf and listening to your inner truth and making decisions from that place instead of your old story.
• Rewriting your story one step at a time.
• Running your own business and keeping your power over decisions rather than giving it to someone else; your partner, employees, inner child
• Finding your tribe of women who get it and will see you in your genius.